being beautiful

Below in the lyrics of a song i recently wrote. The theme has been pressing on me for a long time but for some reason, until recently, my mind would go blank when i tried to express it on paper. It is about being set apart for Christ as a bride is set apart for her bridegroom. It is about the exclusive love for your lover, it is about having our eyes fully fixed on Him and not allowing moving our eyes onto others and loosing Jesus as out number one focus, it is about longing to be beautiful to God, instead of longing to be beautiful to man.

Even after I wrote the song, God still had to correct me. He showed me that part of me longs to be made truly beautiful inside so that people will see, so that people will be attracted to my character, to who i really am. This isn't what it's about. No part of my motivation can be self seeking. It can't be about recognition or affection from others. It is not about God making me beautiful for others and for opinions. It is about longing to be beautiful for him, my First Love.

My heart longs, my soul aches
To be beautiful to you
More than anything else, above all opinions
I choose to be beautiful before you
I need to, I crave to, I long to, i ache to
Show me what beauty is
Show me what beauty is to you, oh Lord, to you

Cuz I've wasted enough time striving for acceptance
I have exhausted myself seeking to win affection
I have dreamed enough dreams of cinderella stories
Now I'm done, I have had it, I let go

Wasted energies chasing after wantings
Ignored the faithful one who has walked right beside me
You Lord, who have longed for my heart all along
So now I'm done, I have had it, I let go

So I say no to chasing other's love and affection
No to all energy spent on outward perfection
I say no to finding my value in people's opinion
And I say yes, I say yes to you

I say yes to your love, I say yes to you heart
Yes, I say yes to your heart and I give you mine
And I say yes to your love, I say yes to your heart
Yes, I say yes to your heart, and I give you mine
And I'm looking straight down the aisle now
Not looking to the left, not looking to the right
I'm looking straight down the aisle now
And all I see is you, yes all I see is you......

Because I want to be beautiful to you
Yes I want to be beautiful to you
I want to be beautiful to you
Yes I want to be beautiful to you
Make my heart beautiful
Make my heart beautiful
Make my heart beautiful
Make my heart beautiful

VBS

VBS is now finished. Apart from the special service on Sunday where I have to lead the kids in a song i taught them. It's kinda complicated with a round of three parts and there like 80 kids so its really crazy so i'm not too sure on how that will go but we will see! Anyways it was an awesome week. It went really smoothly. 40 kids got saved! Praise the Lord! We didnt have any big problems or fights. No one got banned. Shimei and I brought a bunch from the chelter which was really cool as normally the kids from the shelter really don't come on any of the church stuff. Two of the kids from the shelter wanted to come to church so badlt on Sunday but there mother works at 7 am. They didnt stopped pestering there mum and so me and Shimei are baby sitting them from 6.30am tomorrow moring before church! haha. Friday we took all the kids swimmingh to an outdoors pool. The kids loved it and it was alot of fun for me too! here are a few pics.

As for me, I ain't winking at sin no more!

So I watched a preach the other day from the Brownsville revival and it was called God ain't winking at sin no more. This whole summer God has been teaching me about not compromising and he has been examining my heart and revealing ways that I have compromised my faith and been completely blind to it. This preach was just another part of that, more if the refining flames, burning up the dross, burning up the compromising and refining. It talks in the Word about how there was a time where God over looked our sin, he over looked our ignorance. He winked at our ignorance and because of that overlooked our sin. But that time is over, God is not winking at sin anymore, he cannot over look our ignorance because we are not ignorant! We know. Whether it is that we have heard the gospel preached, whether it is that we have read the Word, whether it is that we have experienced the reconciliation with God and his friendship ourself..... whatever it is we are not ignorant. We know and when we wink at sin we know what we are doing. If you are married man and working at your office and wink at a lady and she winks back, you are winking at sin. There is a message going out saying ' i see you, i am interested in you, you see me, you are interested in me'. It is dangerous waters, it is stepping out of faithfulness, it is winking at sin. And so often we do this we wink at sin. The church in general is winking at sin. And God is saying there was a time where I saw you winking at sin and i overlooked it, i winked at your ignorance but not any more! The compromising has the stop! The winking has to stop! Some things are obvious, smoking, getting drunk, sexual impurity, course language, inappropiate clothing etc. Lots of us have no problem keeping those kind of things. The obvious things, the 'big' things, the things we have been brought up being told not to do. See, those things are more obvious they are more like is you are married and you kiss the woman at the office. Obviously you cheated on your wife. But winking, winking is more subtle, winking can be covered up or 'justified'. It's like that with us and God. These are some sins that we commit and it's obvious that we were unfaithful, that we cheated on God. But what about the more subtle winking? When we allow ourselves to wink, just a little wink at sin thats's where the compromising starts. The world is so compromised and the church is so compromised that we often don't even realise that we have been compromising. That's why we are called to renew our minds. Our minds need renewing, they need wash, to wash away all that we have thought is ok, all that we have justified. What about movies? What about music? What about friends? What about going to a club, being surrounded by sin- the sexual dancing, the drunkness, the ungoldly music and just just going for fun, for a nice night out and not getting drunk- can you really say you are not winking at sin? Can you really say you are not comproming, can you really say that while you are there your mind is still being able to continually being renewed and to become into more and more alignment with God's own thoughts? ( by the way i used to go clubbing, i used to drink and not get drunk, and in all that i was winking at sin, and it is only recently that I realised this and have stopped). What movies, do you watch? What music do you listen to? What places do you hang out at? And what does all this say about you? do the standards that you have show your faithfulness to God or does it show compromise? At the moment I am rethinking my own standards- the movies i watch, the music i listen to etc. What areas of your life do you need to rethink? Are there places where you have been winking at sin? As we live in a corrupt and compromised world are there areas of your life that you have allowed to be compromised?

The victims of 'choice'

Don't look at these pictures and tell me this isn't a real person. Don't look at these pictures and tell me that these are just cells or tissue. We say its just a 'fetus' but do we even know what the word 'fetus' means? Fetus isn't something before they become a baby. Fetus is a medical word for a stage of life. The word is used for babies in the womb from the 10 week of pregancy till birth. It is like 'infant' or 'teenager'. An infant is still a child, we just call them an infant because that is the stage of life that they are in, it is the same with a fetus. The only reason people call all unborn babies fetus' is to ease their conscience, to justify their decision. Have you ever noticed how a mother who is pregant and wantsa the child call the child a baby right from the time they know they are pregant. No one stops them, no one corrests them and tells them its a fetus. But suddenly if you dont want your child its not a baby anymore, it suddenly becomes a fetus!!!!!

It scares me to see how deceived the world is. How can we come to a place where this is seen as ok, where this is legal, where it is our 'choice'. How can anyone look at these pictures and say this is right?! As i look at these pictures it scares me to think of all the people that actually beleive this is ok. It reminds me of how much people are really blinded by the ' God is this age' as the Word tells us. It comes on me like a force making me pray, making me cry out for truth to come, for the deceived to be set free and for the truth to expose the lies.

Do we really pray for this, do we really pray for the end of this horriffic injustice? Do we really pray for conviction to come to the doctors that do this, to the woman that have this, to the governments that ok this? Do we pray fro the organisations that are fighting against this, that they will seek God's will and really be guided by him in how to be right and be stratigic and not do it their own way. Do we pray that they will be granted favour from the Lord? Do we pray for the woman that they will here God's voice louder than they hear the world's? What about for the woman that have done this, lots of themdecived, not knowing the full facts, living with guilt and regret? Do we pray frot heir salvation, forgiveness andf healing? Do we pray that God raises these woman up to tell others the truth?

I am reminded and convicted for the selfishness in us, in me. Yes, I pray for this, but do i REALLY pray? Do i pray as if these where my children? We are called to love EVERYONE and yet because we don't know these babies, because we dont see these abortions happen we dont give it everything we have to change it, we dont respond the way it would if iyt is our children. But these are God's children and he calls us to fight for justice to stand up for the poor, the vunerable, the weak. How more vunerable can you get than a baby, unable to speak that doesnt have any kind of choice what so ever!!?? Just because we arent seeing this face to face or because we dont know these babies does not make it ok for us to sit back and not do anything!!

Let our heart's be wise

Proverbs 23.15 ' my son if your heart is wise, then your heart will be glad'. This proverb was a real encouragement to me today. As I read it it really hit me and was reminded of the different decisions i have made this year through wisdom, and decisions i am in the process of making. Often my heart doesn't feel glad when i step out and make these decisions but the verse doesn;t says ; your heart is glad' it says ' your heart will be glad'. I can look back and my heart is glad that i was wise and obedient to God and yet it can still be hard, sometimes i still want what I want but wisdom speaks to me and says' Holly, you know better, you know better than that, you know what you need to do, you know God's promises are true and his instructions good, you know better than to wonder 'what if?' or to dwell in self pity. Deep down my heart is glad because i know that i know that i know that God's wisdom is right and good and true and the best thing for me. And i know that in the future as i look back and as my life continues to come into being and as i see the way God works things out that i will look back and my heart will leap with gladness that i followed the wisdom of God.

tatooed

Well i finally got a tatoo after years of talking about it. The heart is the Father's heart pierced earch time his children turn away from his perfect love, pierced because of their sin and becasue only he knows the full consequences that the dissobience can have, pierced when his children choose less than the fullness that he deeply desires each person to walk in, and pierced for his own son who he sacrificed so that even after the pain his creation has caused him, he might be reconciled with them again. The crown of thorns and the cross is Jesus. His sacrificial love, the thorns reminds me of all the pain that Jesus endured, not just on that final day but for 33 years. We sin, the world chooses sin again and again and we get hurt because of it. But Jesus didn't have to hurt, he didn't have to suffer, he didn't have to endure these things. He chose to.The fire is the Holy Spirit, the power of the Lord, the fire that God desires to lite all our hearts with. The fire that we need to have all our fuel, the fire we need to spread to others, like a forrest fire.

God is in control

So i am a massive Francine Rivers fan. i absolutely love her writing. I finsihed reading Leota's Garden yesterday. Now i am not the most emotional person in the world, and i dont always show my pain by tears but books get me. I can often express emotion towards a book bettter than towards real life! This was one of those occassions. The book is all about this elderly lady called Leota who is completelt estranged from her two children who are now grownup. The whole story is of reconciliation, hope and forgiveness. Leota's daughter has a really twisted view of what went on when she was little and there was alot of sacrifices that leota made that she never knew about. Anyways Leota's daughter's daughter ( her granddaughter) loved her grandmother dearly and looks after her despite her mothers anger about this. During the whole book you are waiting for the reconciliation to hgappen and then Leota dies! I couldnt believe it! Her daughter had just found out the truth, she has just found out the extent of her mothers love and she didnt even have time to get to the mother and tell her she loved her. Some stupid young medic guy at the hosptial thought he was doing Leota a favor by killing her with an injection and putting her out of her misery! I was so angery, i even cried out to God ( i get a little carried away wiyth books), i just didnt understand, it didnt make any sense to me. the reconciliation was so cvlose, leota had waited all her life for that moment, and then she was gone!

What God spoke to me was that he was still God and that no matter what things happen THROUGH them, somtimes even inspite of them, he works for the good of those who love him. God is big enough that even death doesnt stop him, he still brought love and forgivenss and reconsiliation to that family. He is in control.

Rubbish In, Rubbish Out

There is a problem witht he church as a whole and the problem is that the body doesnt always match up witht the head. Colossians ch1.18 tells us that Christ is the head and we ( the church) are the body. As a body we need to be moving together and the Bible gives clear instructions in the way to move. i am not talking about all the little theology debates we can get stuck on, im talking about the basic instructions. The body needs to match up as a head, but as a whole we often don't. When we water down the gospel, when we skip out certain teachings saying that they don't fit with our generation, when we compromise our faith in exchange for the ways of the world we don't match up with Christ (the head). instead we cause the body which is meant to be a beautiful body, made up of all God's children from all nations, of all tongues, and of course completed with chrsit himself as the head, it is a beautiful picture but when we don't match up with the head, when we go our own way we send this beautiful body into a spasim as it is pulled in all directions. If christ is the head he is also the brain and the brain instructions the other parts of the body in the way to move. the other parts of the body awaits the brain for instructions and surrenders to those instructions. That is what the church is called to do. That is what we need to be doing, all the time. But how do we get there and how do we stay there?

It all goes back to rubbish in, rubbish out.It is about what we are putting into ourselves because whatever goes in has to come out.
Matthew 12.33-37 says: 33"Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit. 34You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. 35The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. 36But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. 37For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned."

What comes out of us, how fruitful and productive we are on this earth is all detemined by what is in us, by the condition of our hearts. It cannot be an outward working but it starts with our hearts. We are called to glorify God, we are called to produce good fruit, we are called to make a difference, to be salt and light to be a bright shining shar in a crooked and debraved world but to do all this, to live a life worthy of our calling our hears have to be right. Our hearts have to be clean and inline with God's own heart. The way that we keep and maintain a clean heart, inline with God's own is by storing up goodness in our heart and by guarding our hearts fromanything that would corrupt and pollute our hearts. Because rubbish in, rubbish out!

Let's look at the church of corinth. This church had massive potential but it became known for it's sexual sins. There were some issues they needs to deal with. Here are a few of their issues:

• lack of maturity as Christians (1 Cor 3.1-3)
• division and lack of unity within the church (1 Cor 3.3-4)
• sexual impurity (1 Cor 5)
• association (1cor 5.9-11 and 2 Cor 11.3-5)

We are going to look at the last one, associasion, because thats where all the others stem from.

2Cor 11.3-5: But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent's cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ. 4For if someone comes to you and preaches a Jesus other than the Jesus we preached, or if you receive a different spirit from the one you received, or a different gospel from the one you accepted, you put up with it easily enough.

Instead of influencing others the church of Corinth is the one being influenced. In 1 Cor 5 we see how they are not guarding their hearts at all they are not using wisdom in who to associate with and it has affected them and corrupted their hearts. And in the second book the same problem is there and sure enough paul's fear is that their hearts will be corrupted because they are not guarding their hearts but are compromising and allowing anything into them, even false teaching.and rubbish in, rubbish out!

Maybe the church of Corith thought they were strong enough, that they would be ok, that they didnt need to guard their hearts but for generations and generations God has been warning his people to not compromise and to not put their selves in places of temptation. God tells Moses in Exodus 34.12-17:

12 Be careful not to make a treaty with those who live in the land where you are going, or they will be a snare among you. 13 Break down their altars, smash their sacred stones and cut down their Asherah poles. [a] 14 Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God.
15 "Be careful not to make a treaty with those who live in the land; for when they prostitute themselves to their gods and sacrifice to them, they will invite you and you will eat their sacrifices. 16 And when you choose some of their daughters as wives for your sons and those daughters prostitute themselves to their gods, they will lead your sons to do the same.
17 "Do not make cast idols.

God was warning them so that their hearts were not corrupted. he knew that if they made a treaty they would compromise. He didnt even get them to leave it at not making a treaty. No, they had to smash allt he idols. These werent even their idols but they still have to be smashed, anything that could corrupt had to go. The Israelites could of thought, 'these arent our idols, we will just ignore them and let them be' They could of been like the Corinthians that passively let anything go on. It didnt matter that the idols werent theirs they still had to go. What are the idols around you? what are the things in your life that have the potential to corrupt your heart? It is easy to think that we wont be affected but the corinthiansd were so what makes us think we won't be? what needs to be smashed today?

We need to guard out hearts from worldliness ( my definition of worldliness id that which kills affection towards god), but not just that we need to store goodness up in our hearts. Where there was sin needs to be placed with goodness or else there is a space for anything to fill and then we are in trouble! (Matt 12.43-45) We need to smash down those idols and not compromise. because rubbish in, rubbish out!

Anne Frank the Movie

I watched the movie Anne Frank last night. i can't even discrible how it made me feel. i have watched countless movies on injustices and wars and the holocaust but this was something else. It is really well done and definelty gets your fire for justice burning. just recommending people to watch it.

Two sperate incidents that God spoke to me through. The first was through a man who asked me to buy him KFC. He was stood outside a gas station and he lived there with his cousin who works there. I wouldnt of bought him the chicken until i realised that he lived there and i thought ' i won't waste my money on this guy cuz im sure his cousin can give him some food from the shop' so i didnt buy the man anything. Afterwards I got really convicted and was led back to the whole idea that i didnt want to 'waste' my money. Isn't that what God has done for me? Hasn't he wasted love on me? Hasn't he poured it out without rationing it, with giving it in moderation, hasn't he blessed me with things that I don't need, that i could survive without? hasn't me given dispite the fact that I don't deseerve it? hasn't he given dispite the fact that often i don't even appreciate it? God has wasted so much love on me! All those times he pured and pured love onto me and i rejected it, i ignored it, i was blind to it. Just as God has wasted love on me, just as he has poured out a rediculous amount, just as he has lavished uneccessary blessings on me, he is calling me to do likewise. To lavish love and blessings upon others, to give more than just what they need, to waste love, to love even when rejected, to serve even when not appreciated. And in that be a testimony on the incredible love God has for us that he would waste his love on someone like me.

The second incidient was the other day when i knocked on one of our kids door to pick him up for kids club. All these kids live in very rough housing projects. While i was stood at his door waiting for him to get ready his little brother came to the door. His brother mush of been about 5 but was wearing a diaper and was eating a mustard sandwich. The sandwich was just full of mustard and the little boy was licking all the mustard off as he stared at me. The house was quiet and dark and the floor was really dirty and the boy was stood there with a t shirt, a diaper and bare feet. He then dropped the sandwich on the floor of the house by accident but he didnt seem too bothered by it and dint pick it up. His mother saw the sandwich too that was open, face down so all the mustard was on the floor and she too didnt say anything or try to pick it up. It was a really little thing but it moved me, it hurt me, it made me want to cry for these two boys. There are so many people in this world that don't know their worth, their value. They have lost their dignity and their sense of worth. I think we find our value by how people respond to us, how they value us and unfortunetly not everyone has been brought up to know their worth and value and how loved they are. If we are told our whole life that we are beautiful and loved then that is how we see ourself too but if we are yelled at and used to blame whatever goes wrong and told that we are worthless then we will come to beleive we are worthless. And our belief of our worth effects everything about us. It affects the way we act and interact, it affects how we look after ourself and how we look after our house. This little boy was only 4 or 5 but he had already seemed to have lost his sense of worth. It is so important that we bring truth. We are bringers of truth and we need to expose the lies for what they are- LIES! Its a lie that someone is worthless andof no value. We can expose that lie by showing love by speaking truth and life over those we meet, by serving and befirending. And as Christian's we need to set the example by looking after ourself and physically taking care of ourself and our surroundingd and spritually taking care of our self and guarding our hearts and minds and not just allowing anything into us. But most importanly by introducing those we meet to the Father's love, to the one who values and love everyone who has been told they are worthless, so much that they will never be able to fully comprehend it.

i dont want to be a dying star!

You've got your best man on the front side
You always show your best side
And evil's always on the other side
You say this is your strategy
But son I hope you take it from me
You look just like your enemy
You're full of pride

We better trash our idols if we want to be
In the army of the Lord
And the greatest idol is you and me,
We better get on the threshing floor
When will we learn that God's strategy
Is giving glory to the Lord?
We better trash our idols if we want to be
In the army of the Lord

Star how beautiful you shine
You shine more beautiful than mine
You shine from sea to shining sea
World-wide is your strategy
But shining star I hope you see
If the whole wide world is staring straight at you
They can't see me...

My pray is that we will never be a star that burns so brightly but the light we are showing is oursleves. May we never seek to out shine you Lord. May we never show so much of ourselves that you are nowhere to be seen in us. May we never deprive people of seeing you. What do we possibly have that is so great, so important, compared to you Lord? All that we have to offer is what Chrsit has given us. While people are spiritually dying around me, while people are starving and don't know the satifaction of the bread of life, may i never deny those poeple You Lord by no allowing you to take complete control of my life so that you can be seen through me. May we die to every last bit of pride, self and sin so that you can Live completely in me, so that you can be seen alive in me. More of you Lord, less of me! More of you Lord, less of me!